i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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