I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
