Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
