12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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