if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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