I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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