I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
