So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
