what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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