WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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