i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This house was built for laser tag.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
