that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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