The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
