and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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