I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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