Got a toothbrush?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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