Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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