It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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