you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
