So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
