Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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