just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
