It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
