he puts the penis in happiness.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
