Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am one with the molecules
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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