It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
