Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
