well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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