She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize