I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
