I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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