I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
