I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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