it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize