He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
