What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
