u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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