We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
