I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
