when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
