I feel like I'm in dance class right now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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