Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
