community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
