she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
