Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
