3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
