my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
