mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
