He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
