Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
