If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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