I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
