Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
