I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
