Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
