I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The struggles of a small town man whore
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
