considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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