he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
