Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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