There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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