She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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