3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
