She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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