fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
