I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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