Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
handjob tips. give me some.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
