Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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