it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
