Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
