If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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