So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
