just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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